A Direct Interview by Nagendra, Your Humble Squirrel

Or: How I Accidentally Annoyed Half the Mahabharata

By Nagendra (Traveller, Journalist, Teacher, Squirrel, Occasional Chaos)

I arrived in Dwapara Yuga with three acorns, a notebook, and a dangerous amount of confidence. A tiny little squirrel-author with a big ego amid divine beings.

This was my first mistake.

My second mistake was deciding to interview people who had actually lived through the Mahabharata.

It was dusk. The palace was settling in. The servants were lighting the oil lamps. Draupadi was in the gardens, inspecting the variety of flowers. A foreigner had recently sold them exotic flowers. Something he called a ‘rose’.

I found Maharaja Yudhishthira seated beneath a tree.

He looked calm.

I immediately distrusted him.

"People think you're cold," I said without preamble. “Almost…. Boring.”

No greeting.

No introduction.

No respect for royal protocol.

Yudhishthira looked up from the scroll he had been reading.

I expected his face to go red, his voice to rise in righteous fury, and guards to come running to arrest me. Instead—

"I beg your pardon?"

"People think—"

"I heard you the first time."

"Good. Saves time."

Yudhishthira sighed.

I began speaking fast.

“People think Arjuna is the hero, that Draupadi is the heroine, that Karna is tragic and misunderstood, that Bheema is only brute strength, and that Nakula and Sahadeva are wallpaper.”

I paused briefly to catch my breath.

“And that you sat watching everything without interfering.”

Yudhishthira gave a small smile.

“If Sri Rama cared about getting judged, he wouldn’t have been called ‘Maryada Purushottam’ today.”

“Sri Rama is God!” I snapped. “You aren’t.”

“Nagendra,” he said calmly. “Would you sacrifice an entire village to save one child, or sacrifice the child to save the village?”

I was stunned into silence.

The last instance had involved a sage from Satya Yuga asking me to define consciousness.

I had hidden behind a tree for three days.

"Well?" asked Yudhishthira.

"That's not fair."

"What is not fair?"

"You answered my question with another question."

Yudhishthira nodded.

"Yes."

"That's what sages do."

"Perhaps."

"You are not a sage."

"Maybe."

Yudhishthira returned to reading his scroll.

This was somehow even more irritating.

"Fine," I said. "The child."

Yudhishthira looked up.

"You would save the child?"

"Of course."

"And the village?"

"That wasn't part of the agreement," I said stubbornly.

"It was the entire question."

I groaned.

"I dislike philosophy."

"I know."

"You enjoy this, don't you?" I raised a tiny paw.

"A little."

I made a note.

EMPEROR OF HASTINAPURA SECRETLY ENJOYS ANNOYING JOURNALISTS.

This was important historical information.

Yudhishthira ignored me.

"Noble choices are easy when consequences belong to someone else," the king said quietly.

I froze.

“Dharma gets complicated when you have to… what’s the phrase you use? ‘Face the music.’”

The breeze stirred the leaves.

For the first time since arriving, the squirrel said nothing.

"You think I should have acted differently," Yudhishthira continued.

"Sometimes."

“Uh huh?”

“You gamble. Draupadi. Your brothers. I have been living in the Dwapara Yuga for a month now.”

"Then we've established you made a catastrophic decision."

Yudhishthira stared.

"You arrived from another age merely to tell me something I already know?"

"No."

"Then why?"

I leaned forward.

"Because I need to know something."

"Will you publish this interview?"

"Absolutely."

Yudhishthira sighed.

“Any point in stopping you?”

“No,” I said too fast.

Yudhishthira shook his head.

“Fine, what do you need to know?”

I took my time, putting on a serious look.

Yudhishthira straightened.

Expecting me to ask about duty, justice, war, or kingship. But—

"Do people interrupt you constantly?"

Yudhishthira blinked.

Somewhere in the distance, a cow made a regrettable life choice and walked into a fence.

"That is what you wish to ask?" Yudhishthira demanded incredulously.

"Of course."

“Is this a joke?”

"Why would I joke about something this important?" I demanded.

"Important?"

"Yes."

Yudhishthira rubbed his forehead.

"Noble king. Emperor. Defender of Dharma. I have spent an entire month in your era."

"That explains nothing."

"It explains everything."

"Everywhere I go, people ask you questions."

"That tends to happen."

"Sages ask questions."

"Yes."

"Kings ask questions."

"Yes."

"Your brothers ask questions."

"Frequently."

"Draupadi asks questions."

A pause. He looked in the direction of the gardens. Draupadi was now instructing the gardener.

"Very frequently."

"I suspected as much."

“Get to the point, squirrel.”

“All right, you asked for it. My point is that nobody seems to ask whether you would like a snack.”

“Excuse me?”

I whipped out an acorn from somewhere and held it up.

"I brought provisions."

Yudhishthira looked at the acorn.

Then at me.

Then back at the acorn.

"You travelled across ages..."

"Correct."

"...to offer me an acorn."

"Correct."

“Our royal kitchens have hundreds of cooks.”

“Correct.”

“Why, then?”

“Because you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Yudhishthira opened his mouth and closed it.

I nodded sympathetically.

"See? That's exactly what happens when people skip snacks."

For several seconds, neither spoke.

Then—to my absolute shock—

Yudhishthira laughed. Loudly. Even Draupadi and the gardener looked up.

Yuddhishtira raised a hand as if to say, 'I am fine.' He turned to me.

"You are impossible," he said.

"I've been informed."

"I can believe it."

There was a brief, comfortable silence.

Finally, Yudhishthira spoke.

"Nagendra."

"Yes?"

"Why are you really here?"

“I thought I’d answered that already?”

Yudhishthira chuckled.

"I wanted to see whether the man was different from the stories," I said honestly.

Silence.

Then Yudhishthira reached out.

Took the acorn.

And placed it beside him. Just to keep it.

A smile lit across my face. He noticed.

"Do not write about this."

"I absolutely will."

"Nagendra."

"It's already chapter material."

Yudhishthira sighed.

"Excellent interview, Your Majesty," I said importantly.

"It was not an interview."

"Agree to disagree."

"You asked one sensible question."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't the acorn question."

"Oh."

"It was the other one."

I paused.

Yudhishthira returned to his scroll.

And without looking up, he said—

"Yes."

"Pardon me?"

"People interrupt me constantly."

I grinned.

"Thought so."

Yudhishthira nodded. Pointed toward the road.

"Leave."

"Fair."

And thus ended my interview with Maharaja Yudhishthira. I hurried away from the palace grounds.

Nagendra, alias Naganna the squirrel, is a recurring character from Echoes of a Late Bloom, where he interviews gods, kings, queens, warriors, sages, and other innocent bystanders across multiple Yugas. 🐿️📚